‘MUSIC IS MY SPIRITUALITY’: RAPPER SMILEZ OVERCOMES GRIEF ON HIS DEBUT ALBUM

Smilez sometimes finds himself writing lyrics about his brother’s death without even realizing it. He’ll start scribbling lyrics or listening to a beat with a sad energy, and the feelings just rush in. It’s that connection to his emotions that helped fuel his debut album, Ur In My World, out Friday.

“It all just builds up because it’s all that same intense feeling of loss,” he tells Rolling Stone, referring to his older brother, who died in 2020 of a drug overdose.

Now sober himself for seven years, and with his brother’s memory always top of mind, Smilez delivers an album he calls the “first real full picture of me as an artist.” It’s been a longtime coming for the rapper who performed with the trio Raw Fabrics under the stage name Jack Bruno back in 2014.

“I realize I am actually doing exactly what my songs are saying. This is me to a tee,” Smilez, known for his fluorescent yellow hair like a smiling emoji, tells Rolling Stone. “I produced this whole thing, I wrote this whole thing, I made all the videos. I’m a computer nerd so I have to be super hands-on. No matter what’s going on in music right now, this is my album.”

The album straddles the line between pop-punk influences and hip-hop and even features some samples of artists like the Delfonics’ Major Harris and the Strokes. It’s also a step up from his featured verse on 6ix9ine’s “Charlie” in 2020. “Music is my spirituality,” he says. “Being creative makes me feel human, It makes me feel alive.”

From his home in L.A., the musician breaks down his five songs on Ur In My World.

Saddest Smile

Musically, I heard the sample of “Saddest Smile in Town” by Major Harris that’s at the beginning of the track. I like when you can do a little play on your name. But I felt like that wasn’t a corny way of doing it. I thought it was kind of cool. The sample immediately brought me into like, “That’s something Kanye West would do: use an old school sample.” But also the world doesn’t need another artist trying to be like Kanye West. I was like, “What can I bring to the table?” I wanted that to be the first song to really set the tone of what I’m doing musically. That sets the tone of who I am as an artist. Whenever I’m making something, I try to like look at it from a wider perspective. My first line was, “I’m here to have a good time.” I liked that. That’s a good vibe to start out on and then it goes immediately from that easygoing party vibe to talking about the loss of my brother. It gets really intense, really fast. It’s also about that underlying sadness that you carry, and how you just keep pushing through. 

Mentally, I’m Somewhere Else

When sadness comes up in a song, or like the tone of the music, I usually end up talking about something to do with [my brother’s death], because that was a huge thing that happened. It’s important to talk about, because it’s not even just losing my older brother. His death was really, really strange because we had parallel lives since he had his battle with drugs and alcohol when I was growing up. When I was 10 years old, he was 20, in and out of treatment or coming home really f***** up. I was a little kid. I didn’t see any of the glamorous side of that. I just saw the effect it would have on my parents. When I was growing up, I was almost anti-drug. And then when I got older, I started drinking. I ended up five, six years, just becoming a full-blown addict myself. It was weird because I never wanted to be that. And then I realized it wasn’t really a choice. This is just something that happens. I ended up going to the same treatment facility where I had visited him at one point. When he passed, it was just an intense emotion. 

Someday

The idea of taking The Strokes and mixing it with hip-hop drums in a modern way, I’ve had that idea for years. And I always thought it was so interesting. If the Strokes were coming out today, what would they do? Would they be a band? Probably not. How would they approach music? I tried to picture that. The Strokes are always just so f****** awesome to me. It’s actually like an interpolation. I re-recorded the guitars and then wrote a new song, took part of their hook, and made it a different interpretation of that. It’s a light-hearted song. It’s about the early stages of relationship dating. I like simple pop songs like that, too. When I did the original music for that. I didn’t think we’d get this cleared. We got really lucky. 

Tell Me Luv (Touch Me, Feel Me)

That one is a two-part song. The first part is like a slow hip-hop song and then it speeds up into my interpretation of punk rock with 808s and trap hi-hats. Sometimes, I’ll avoid really emotional subjects. I wanted to do a song that was about my girlfriend and our relationship but I didn’t want to do it in a super cheesy, romantic way because it just makes me cringe too much. I wanted the first part of the song to be about me not trusting anyone, and me kind of putting my walls down. It’s more of the reality of a relationship. It’s gonna take time to get to know someone. Then the second part of the song is about the everyday part of a relationship, like sharing your lives. There’s even a line in the song like, “Baby, you’re always working.” Little things of the reality of being in a relationship and not the fairytale. That was a fun song to do because it had tempo changes.

Open Your Eyes

It has the same Major Harris sample as “Saddest Smile.” I wanted to bring that in subtly to make it a sandwich. With that one, it was really intense. It’s just a reminder: “Open your eyes, pay attention. There are so many great things happening in life.” It’s so easy to forget that and get lost in whatever you’re doing. I felt like, I wanted to close the album with something really deep that I could look back on in a couple of years. I talk about my brother a lot on that because he had just had a daughter right before he passed. Moments of seeing his daughter grow up would’ve been great but I’m still here. I’m still alive. Let’s look at the bright side. Let’s take advantage of it. I ended up with a bunch of harmonies. I wanted the layered harmonies and that sort of over-the-top theatrical vibe. The last line goes, “Some of the greatest moments are never gonna happen twice, so open up your eyes.” You’re trying to get leave the emotional turmoil but there’s always some s*** that sticks to you.